Non-happening

This Christmas, like last Christmas, was pretty much non-happening. No parties. But who can I blame? I always acted like a jerk at parties, unable to sing, unable to dance, unable to drink, unable to entertain or to be entertained.

I heated some canned minestrone soup and ate some instant noodle for dinner. Life would be horrible if it’s like this every year. With my newly-acquired extra free time, the only thing I did seems to be squandering it. I was playing games on my iPhone instead to doing some readings. I can get the life I want as long as I try, but occasionally I felt very disillusioned and disheartened. What if it is not glory after all the hard work, but conflicts and frustrations? How to live a life if it ends any second? Is it the same thing: to do whatever you want and to be responsible for your own life? With these heavy questions, how to be happy? How to even get a slice of happiness?

ennui

During my last interview I was asked do I have any sales experience, and I said no

After a while I realized I actually have sold merchandises before, during a volunteering experience…

it is simply too wrong to be workaholic

In the past I used to think that as long as I’m workaholic enough to do a better job than everyone else, I’m good.

After many years I realized the power of teamwork and personal network. About delegation. About balance between work and life. About multi-tasking. About time management. About pursuing passion without sacrificing too much personal interest. About learning from people, everyone of them. About how to get help when needed. About going into the real world from a fantasy world. About the danger of conflict. About communicating the job done. About being open and admitting an overload. About the importance of saying no. About tasking calculated risk, instead of unconditional risk-taking.

Interviews

Recently went to a couple of interviews. Though eventually no offer was made, at least it was a kind of practice.

The first was with Bloomberg.

It was a group interview at the first round. Was supposed to present in front of around 10~20 people, some of whom can be mid-career professionals, and then join a group discussion. I guess I wasn’t too good at public speaking.

General impression: I was much impressed by the office, the snack bar, the fish tank, the location (Capital Square), though the scope of the job and the training don’t appeal to me too much. Most annoyingly, the reception typed my name wrongly.

The next was with Mercer.

This is the first panel interview I attended. Two persons took turns to probe me with a lot of questions. The interviewers were friendly (beware of circumstances like this~) and the atmosphere relaxing (another trap~). I really ought not tell them too much blatant truth. It only resulted in them being confused by my myriad of interests. Thinking before speaking such that the facts are comprehensible and are in the positive light.

General Impression: The location and the building (China Square overlooking a construction site) weren’t too attractive, the office equipment looks old, the layout a bit dull, but the jobscope is fun. Questions include many scenario ones, some behavior ones, and a bit of open-ended case study besides the general questions such as self-introduction. Regardless of the result, the plus side is that you get interviewed by experts in the HR business.

Waiting for my next…

or

Is it that I’m really helpless or is it that I am trying to play tough and declining help from everyone?

what was forgotten

5:49-6:39

In the past half year I had also forgotten about writing. Now that I’m back and recontacted some magzine friends, realized I could never completely stay clear of it. The semester in Switzerland broadened my horizon in an overwhelming way. I almost lost all my confidence. I am on the healing track now. And I speak more, in case I missed any opportunities by the world of mouth.

Some times I feel I almost forgot where my real interest lies. Still wanting to be a writer, I quite strongly believes so. But definitely not wanting to combine science and writing in ways such as sci-fi fictions. I don’t even watch sci-fi movies. Then how shall I further develop my science training? Shouldn’t just let it go wasted. What career shall I pursue so that I won’t have my literary pursue shelved, my science background underused, any also keep me clothed and fed?

I think I’ll need to hook up an appointment with career center. Maybe should go for the one day training in assessment center as well. It’s for MNC. I don’t even know what are the MNCs based in Singapore.

Even the MOE scholarship terms and conditions I’m not entirely clear.

First question is: am I allowed to pursue a 3-month overseas internship abroad before embarking on my career?

if I obtain Sg citizenship/PR within 6 years do I no longer have the bond?

if I have two Singaporean sureties what is the left amount I have to pay to defer the service?

if I register a company here with IRAS and then go abroad while my company is still running, does this count towards serving the bond?

And the questions I need to ask the career centers is:

what is the current pay for fresh grads in engineering or journalism?

do i negotiate the salary during the interview? how do I know the starting pay of a company before I start applying?

what are the engineering mnc in singapore related to bio-engin, medical imaging etc?

does my chance of getting a graduate scholarship diminish because i once had a paid work?

And I seriously need to improve my writing, to Science journal standard. This is such a loft goal. And I am working towards it, starting from writing review paper. What I don’t understand is: how to have insight in such review paper? Funny that I feel I can have an insight after reading a novel or a daily newspaper, but in research with all the data and technical methods, I don’t have an insight? Are research papers not thought provoking? Are they really just technical and uninspiring? Other than predicting its future development what else can I say about the paper? My own thoughts? After reading other people’s discoveries, should I have some of my own thoughts? Is insight on scientific research an oxymoron? Perhaps not. There must have a source of insight on research so people could build on the existing thoughts and further develop them. But why why why are they not coming to me? And why why why I don’t have an idea how to write my book report for biodiversity module? I still have research proposal to do. How do I find an interesting area of research that could almost attract grant?

deep breath

Sometimes I think one needs to accept the harsh reality. Maybe what seems bad may turn out to be good. And what seems to be good might turn out to be a trap. People who you thought to be helpful might not be and who you deemed evil might be the one who really helps you.

career advice

I wonder why teaching community is always so welcoming, the seniors guiding the juniors, and the only few career people I have contact with are teachers. Maybe it’s the education structure, that teacher are supposed to receive two years of grad education before going into work. So in that sense they’re still students. And because of their jobs’ nature, they need to interact with juniors so that they can understand better how the younger generation is thinking. Why there’s never a banker or a writer saying “come and join in”, or is it merely because I don’t know enough people?

There are good companies and not so good ones; there are also good jobs and not so good ones. I realize that my first internship company, though well-established, maybe quite obscure to the outsiders, but the experience to familiarize with oil and gas industry is precious. Consider the growth. But finally, just as I had difficulty choosing major several years back, I have difficulty choosing my dream career as well, not knowing whether those good ones are good for me as well.

comment se passe

Confirmation letter arrived in Sep, which is three months ago, meaning if my visa application got declined, I even have the time to apply again. Yet because I changed my home address, I never got it, and couldn’t remember what I didn’t check with other people why they never got it. Maybe it’s because I trusted Law’s words, that it will arrive in December? Trust the authority only, girl, not anyone else, not even Brad Pitt. I should also have kept close contact with other people on exchange, asking them when they get it. The problem is different school issue the letter at different time and I don’t know any senior having gone to my school before. I should also have gone to the embassy to enquire about document earlier, even if I didn’t get the confirmation letter. In my mindset Swiss embassy is somewhere like India embassy where you get a queueing ticket and wait. It isn’t. This is only one visa enquiry window, and another one for Swiss nationals. Ideally I should have applied three months earlier and now I should be ready to go. What have I done?

the packing of forlornness

Has been packing since this morning, I must be the worst-at-packing person in the whole world. Not only did I discover I have kept boxes of useless things every time I move, also I found my shawl was no where to be found. Why sometimes things seemingly precious are rendered useless years later? Why my packing has become a rediscovery of forlornness? How exactly to decide what to keep, what to discard? Things you keep but no longer use are already discarded.