Sadness is but a temporary epidemic that the plagued will eventually be left alone to recover. In this world no one is strong enough, neither mankind nor their despairs and fears.
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Why are you here?
Even when adversities stack, if you see that your friends are still fighting on and eventually having success, you know hope is alive and there’s no way to say die.
By the way, how to answer the question “how are you” anyway? Reality is always complex.
Encountered Fog Sculpture by Fujiko Nakaya on the way to the Sun Tent where I was attending a Sun Festival talk on writing. I was in the mist under a bridge and a few barely visible human contours were in the vicinity.
The expiration dates of friendships are not as you predicted. You want to know when it is but you never could. Emails meant to keep in contact eventually end up dying out, like a few feeble ECG impulses. After some time past, no one looks or sounds familiar any more. Is this the person I used to know? There starts to be doubts.
I’m having one of those I’m-not-having-my-day days. Heads dizzy and heavy. Tons of revisions to do. There is a hunger and thirst in my soul. I tried to fill it with snacks: chips, drinks, bread sticks, yogurts… In the end I’m just getting tired of snacks. They only have such varieties. And they satisfy nothing. Not what I needed. Reading. Wish I comprehended everything. The dissatisfaction of life cannot be compensated by the satisfaction of taste.
When people say “we”, it means they and other people, as opposed to me, which is often addressed as “you”. Not playing a part in “we”, a perpetual outsider I am. There’s something in me that draws a line and builds a gap between “the crowd” and me.
The reference of “you” is also highly ambiguous. It could be unclear whether it refers to a single or multiple persons. In some cases, “we” and “you” could be crowd vs. crowd, bilaterally basked in the warmth of collectivity.
I always do things without a particular reason or motivation. Just for the mere purpose of trying it. Sometimes things turn out to be pretty tough that make me horribly frustrated, with no idea on how to progress, with only an idea that few other people have accomplished it before. But it’s good that I’ve attempted and got to know myself better. Anyway, the more I try, the fewer tasks appear to be really that tough.
At the first phase of your life, you don’t have choice as to who might surround you and influence you. In the following years, their shadows are casted on you. As an automaton, you played out their youth, inherited their faults and commit their mistakes. But you don’t want to continue this replication. You slowly get rid of their grips and acquire your own breath, trying to escape their shadows before you become one of them.
Why learn a new language and abandon the old one? Gain some, lose some, one does not get profited. Or is it the denial of the culture and the identity?
Inflation. Stagnation.
Both are my current situations.
All my efforts were fed into the ocean.
Stationary progress.
Foaming ambitions.
